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The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf/Archive/2017/March 2017
This is an archive of '''The World Outside the U.S. Post-Drumpf' Fark threads for the month of March, 2017'' Click this link for the current month, or here for the rest of the archive. Don't Give GOP Assholes Any Ideas # Polish member of European Parliament says women should earn less than men because they are "weaker and less intelligent." Women to prove him wrong when they go to the polls next election Miscellaneous # Putin taps Jon Huntsman as ambassador from US # So, has anyone else noticed that the handicapping of the State Department that President Trump has engaged in, benefits Russia and Putin tremendously? # Creative insults in world politics. Conspicuously absent: Tiny hands jokes International Internet # The only thing worse than Twitter is when Dutch Nazis hack Twitter to show off their Dutch Naziness. Wait, didn't the Turkish President call the Dutch "Nazis" the other day? Huh, funny that NATO North Atlantic Treaty Organization # Lost in all the kerfluffle over (lack of) handshakes and awkward wiretapping jokes is the news that Trump wants Germany to "pay their fair share" in NATO. Because letting Germany arm up has worked out so well in the past ## Trump still doesn't understand how NATO works ## Germany's defense minister to Trump: You know NATO doesn't work like that, right? # Tillerson to skip parent-teacher conference in lieu of hanging out with his best friend during school hours # Russian intelligence asset accepts invitation to attend NATO meeting # # Worldwide Exchanges # Stock markets sink worldwide as traders begin to question Trump's ability to deliver on his economic promises. The guys on Wall Street are JUST NOW realizing Trump is full of shiat? And they want us to trust them with OUR money? The UN the United Nations # Trump Administration to boycott UN council over anti-Israel agenda, because the best way to stop something you don't like is to prevent yourself from voting to stop it # General U.S. Foreign Policy under Trump # Europe # With many political and diplomatic crises happening can Europe hold it together, or is it the final countdown? European Union # Every month, the EU parliament relocates for 4 days from Brussels to another city within the EU, critics say this is wasteful as it costs tax payers about $120 million per year or in American terms a year's worth of Presidential trips to Mar-a-Lago # # # Germany # US:"Hey Germany, help us out with NATO. Invest more in your military." Germany:"Like double it? I could do that." Rest of Europe:"Um, wait a sec. Remember the last time Germany expanded its military?" # With US now allied with their Russian adversaries, Germany starts looking into nuclear weapons program. This is not a repeat from 1943 # If you had "Germany" as the next staunch ally Trump was going to piss off for really stupid reasons, step up and claim your prize: the shattered remains of your country's dignity # Erdogan accuses Merkel of supporting terrorists and human rights abuses. That's the joke # Greek group, Conspiracy of Fire Cells, claims to have sent mail bomb to German Finance Minister. They are also playing the Whiskey this weekend and have a new CD out on Sub Pop # POUTS show how he deals with women leaders by refusing to shake Merkel's hand at photo op - or even look at her ## Trump makes hilarious wiretap joke with Merkel to which Merkel responded, I don't understand, I was actually wiretapped while you just made it up. So, how is that funny? # Trump insults about her on the campaign trail are gonna make his meeting with Angela Merkel more awkward than that Thanksgiving where Uncle Cleetus "came out" and admitted to his turkey fetish # We now know for certain that at least one person out there read Playboy for the articles - German Chancellor Angela Merkel # German broadcaster rescues Trump from Handshakegate # Lost in all the kerfluffle over (lack of) handshakes and awkward wiretapping jokes is the news that Trump wants Germany to "pay their fair share" in NATO. Because letting Germany arm up has worked out so well in the past # Germany's defense minister to Trump: You know NATO doesn't work like that, right? # France # Center-right French presidential candidate, Francois Fillon, pulls out of key event at last minute, replaces himself with his cousin Nathan # Not News: Far right leader posts gruesome IS beheading tweet. News: Marine Le Pen Fark: European Parliament revokes Le Pen's immunity Ultra WTFark: This "crime" carries a 3 year prison sentence # Everything you need to know about France's presidential elections as the country faces the potential of making the same mistake the US did # Trump-like Marine LePen is far ahead of her rivals in 'secret polling' in French president race. And as we all know, LePen is French for...the pen # # # The UK # Jean-Claude Juncker's great five-step survival plan post-Brexit was leaked, and it's causing panic on both sides of the Brexit field # Boris Johnson, apparently jealous of all the Russian backdoor access Trump's team has been getting, puts on the lip gloss and books a flight to Moscow # Theresa May warns Scottish voters against "nationalism which focuses only on independence at any cost," citing the dangers of "wrenching Scotland out of its biggest trade market" # Economic suicide bill fails Parliament for second time # Britain to make up for the economic costs of Brexit by taxing public schools that have solar panels 800%. BRILLIANT # Within 48 hours of Article 50, the Brexit terms will be revealed to all, vows Tusk, real savage-like. DON'T SAY THAT YOU LOVE ME # Health care in Britain is awesome: If you need mental health treatment, for instance, all you have to do is visit a local Department of Work and Pensions office and answer a few simple questions, such as "Why haven't you killed yourself yet?" # UK PM Theresa May tells Scotland not to 'play politics' and 'create huge uncertainty' by threatening to leave the UK # News: Bank of England deputy governor resigns due to failing to follow their Code of Conduct. Fark: Which she helped to write # Having nothing better to do, Britain reveals secret code phrase to indicate the Queen is dead. It isn't "Olympus has fallen" but it is of similar corniness # Brexit called Britain's "greatest act of self-harm" by Bob Geldof, who promises he will become Theresa May's biggest nightmare # White House officially downgrades its apology to "an explanation" # Obviously, the reason no one can find any evidence that Obama ordered Trump wiretapped is because he asked James Bond to do it ## Deputy Director of the NSA calls Trump's UK spying allegations "just crazy", "arrant nonsense". Then insinuates Trump is ignorant and stupid. Why yes, he is retiring shortly # UK Intelligence Chief warns that Russia may have been behind Donald Trump's claim that British intelligence had wiretapped Trump Tower # David Cameron jokes that a main perk of no longer being British Prime Minister is that he doesn't have to listen to Donald Trump's wiretapped conversations any more, proving British brand of Conservative Humour is as weak as its American cousin # Pro-Brexit British lawmakers blast BBC for painting them as racist. And then get back to the job of driving foreigners out of their country # Police officer stabbed inside UK Parliament. Alleged assailant shot by armed police ## Donald Trump Jr. takes to Twitter to insult the Mayor of London over terrorist attack. I'm beginning to think there's a nature, not nurture thing going on here ## ## ## ## # See, Brexit hasn't been a complete economic disaster # # ## # # Scotland # Trump's visit to the UK will reportedly be mostly spent in Scotland, "in order to deter protestors". Boy, is he in for a shock # Theresa May warns Scottish voters against "nationalism which focuses only on independence at any cost," citing the dangers of "wrenching Scotland out of its biggest trade market" # The Scots would like another opportunity to Scoxit before the Brexit ## UK PM Theresa May tells Scotland not to 'play politics' and 'create huge uncertainty' by threatening to leave the UK # Scottish voters don't want anything to do with the UK. Or the EU, for that matter. Or other Scots. Damned Scots, they ruined Scotland # # # Ukraine # "Is Trump throwing Ukraine to the Kremlin sharks?" asks man who just woke up from a coma that began in 2015 # Paul Manafort's daughter sends out text message bragging about the people her father had killed # For SOME reason the US government isn't responding to Ukraine's requests to interview Paul Manafort in connection to a corruption investigation. Gee, I wonder why that is ## Trump allies Roger Stone and Paul Manafort both wanted for questioning in Russia investigations # New documents show that former Trump campaign chairman Paul Manafort laundered payments from pro-Putin Ukrainian party. Dripski. Dripski. Dripski # # Russia # Kremlin: All this talk about how we interfered in your election is really making it difficult for us to be friends again # It's not every day you get to see Russians run away in panic # There's only one common theme in the WikiLeaks and Snowden scandal: Russia always stands to gain # So, has anyone else noticed that the handicapping of the State Department that President Trump has engaged in, benefits Russia and Putin tremendously? # "Is Trump throwing Ukraine to the Kremlin sharks?" asks man who just woke up from a coma that began in 2015 # Russian spies offer to help tech companies overcome American spies # Putin taps Jon Huntsman as ambassador from US # Russia's hostile actions may be due to them panicking over our latest nuclear missiles, which for the first time in history make a preemptive nuclear attack possible. It's a good thing we have someone in charge who won't-oh, god, we're all screwed # Russian parliament to investigate interference in the country's politics by U.S. media. That's the joke # Majority of Russians back current foreign policy, shrug off sanctions, still can't decide which foreign leader to elect next # Paul Manafort Drafted a Plan in 2005 to Influence American and European Politics for Putin's Benefit, which incidentally is how we ended up with Trump as President ## Trump: Manawho? Never heard of him # # # Turkey # Apparently there's some kind of spat going on between Turkey and the Netherlands that could doom us all # Erdogan accuses Merkel of supporting terrorists and human rights abuses. That's the joke # As diplomatic relations continue to break down, Turkey deports 40 Dutch officials. Oh, did I say officials. I meant cows Sweden Demark # Since Brownbackonomics has paid such great dividends, another state is taking a look at it. The state of Denmark. Something is rotten Poland # Polish member of European Parliament says women should earn less than men because they are "weaker and less intelligent." Women to prove him wrong when they go to the polls next election Italy # A joke political party has become one of Italy's largest, demonstrating the exact opposite of here in the US, where all of our political parties have become jokes The Netherlands # Apparently there's some kind of spat going on between Turkey and the Netherlands that could doom us all # Will the Netherlands build a dike against immigration? Will they split parliament equally between the major parties? Who will be elected to be the Dutch rudder steering the ship of state? Polls close 4 p.m. Eastern time # Dutch rudder back from far-right populism # As diplomatic relations continue to break down, Turkey deports 40 Dutch officials. Oh, did I say officials. I meant cows Slovenia # Slovenia is honoring Melania Trump with her own wine. I thought her favorite wine was, "Ugh, do I have to have sex with you? Can we at least turn the lights off?" Montenegro # News: Sen. McCain directly accuses politician of working directly for the Russians and Vladimir Putin, on the senate floor. Fark: Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky for not supporting bill to advance Montenegro's bid to join NATO ## After John McCain called Rand Paul a Russian collaborator, Rand Paul went on TV and said that John McCain was the best argument for term limits, as he has become unhinged in his old age. Oh Snap # Tillerson forced to ask congress to hurry the fark up and ratify NATO confirmation for Montenegro, please Greece # Greek group, Conspiracy of Fire Cells, claims to have sent mail bomb to German Finance Minister. They are also playing the Whiskey this weekend and have a new CD out on Sub Pop Ireland # Paul Ryan's latest stunt may bring us to the brink of war with the Irish # This does classify as 'old news' but it is something you might want to have available to share on social media with your racist uncle since every White person in America is Irish today Northern Ireland # My Goodness, McGuinness Asia # Tillerson is traveling Asia with only one journalist, totally not a right wing hack from the Independent Journal Review, founded by conservatives in 2012. So, expect some enlightening coverage from this genius Best Korea # It was a heart attack - and not a nerve agent - that killed Kim Jong Nam according to DPRK envoy Kellyyang Khanwei # North Korea isn't going to nuke the US or Japan. Nope, they're gonna nuke Malaysia for making it so goddamn difficult to kill the half brother of Dear Leader with a nerve agent # Goofy haircut? ✔ Boxy, ill-fitting suits? ✔ Erratic and unstable personality? ✔ Primitive vocabulary? ✔ Hates the country to the south? ✔ Brooks no opposition from underlings? ✔ Thin skin? ✔ Father gave him his career? ✔ Is it Trump or Kim Jong Un? # Upset he's being upstaged by Trump's insanity, Kim Jong-Un warns the US of "merciless attacks" # Tillerson: What if we nuke them? That's new, right? # Rex Tillerson's first foreign policy trip went so badly that North Korea is now threatening a nuclear strike # Somebody did the math and here's the good news North Korea doesn't have ability to flatten Seoul with conventional weapons. Fatalities would be only about 2800 for every minute of fire. What do you say Rex? Go for it? # # # South Korea # South Korea removes its President over illegal confidentes and shady business practices. Wait, you can do that? # Don't you just hate it when you're in the middle of a live interview and the kids just want to play with daddy # China # Pay no attention to the trade surplus the U.S. had with China in February # Donald Trump will host China's president at Mar-A-Lago because why not waste more taxpayer dollars # What's that, oh it's nothing, just Jared Kushner's family making $400 million because a huge Chinese company is buying one of their buildings at a wildly inflated price on terms ridiculously favorable to the Kushners, nothing to see here, move along # Shortly after a Chinese government-connected corporation brokered a NYC real estate deal that netted Jared Kushner $400 million because of its ridiculously favorable terms, the head of Chinese Intelligence front buys a $15 mil condo in Trump Towers # In extremely polite Diplo-speak, China, through its state-run Media is basically saying they made Secretary of State Tillerson and the US their biatches during his visit this weekend # Japan Malaysia # North Korea isn't going to nuke the US or Japan. Nope, they're gonna nuke Malaysia for making it so goddamn difficult to kill the half brother of Dear Leader with a nerve agent India # Middle East # Mideast surge has Pentagon concerned with 'mission creep' resulting from orders from 'commander creep' # # Iran # Trump hotel in Azerbaijan was a front for the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Israel # Mosque muting bill in Israel gets-- ترتفع للصلاة. I said, Mosque muting bill in Israel gets--ترتفع للصلاة Oh, never mind # Israeli jets strike military site near Palmyra, lowering the number of countries that have not bombed Syria down to 3 # Israel says it will destroy Syria's air defenses 'without thinking twice.' Considering how often we go to war without even thinking once, I'd call that an upgrade Syria # The U.S. may have just bombed a mosque in Aleppo during evening prayers. Dozens dead # Israeli jets strike military site near Palmyra, lowering the number of countries that have not bombed Syria down to 3 # Israel says it will destroy Syria's air defenses 'without thinking twice.' Considering how often we go to war without even thinking once, I'd call that an upgrade # # Kuwait Azerbaijan # Trump hotel in Azerbaijan was a front for the Iranian Revolutionary Guard Afghanistan # Jordan # # Iraq # Other Americas Mexico # Mexican politician claims to be against Trump's wall but it's obvious he's still on the fence # Turns out some Mexicans like the way Trump thinks, drug lord El Chapo's lawyer for instance # Canada # Trump points to Canada as a model for U.S. immigration reform. Leave us out of this please # Canada expecting record numbers of people to flee the United States and seek asylum. Hardliners demand that the Canadian government deploy their crack bear cavalry and moose chuckers to secure the border # Not news: People illegally crossing the border. News: Into Canada. Fark: Not as many as in 2008 # Canada named 2nd best country in the world yet again. Lost 0.3 points on the dismount for inventing Hawaiian pizza # Trump's travel ban preventing certain groups from coming into US. Do those groupds groups include A: Al Queda? B: ISIS? or C: The Canadian version of the Girl Scouts? # Trump finds another way to improve health care in Michigan # Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau invites Ivanka trump to the Broadway premier of "Come From Away"-a musical about a Canadian town that welcomed all the stranded US air travellers (refugees) on 9/11-or that's what they're telling Jared anyway # Scientists: Evidence mounting of an evolutionary link between the Northern Bald Weasel and the Orange-Crested Shiatgibbon # Not News: Almost half of of those polled want illegal border crossers deported, and are concerned that asylum-seekers of African and Middle Eastern origin will make country less safe. News: Survey taken in Canada about illegal immigration from the US # In today's episode of Canadian Problems; diplomats have been told to stop using life-size, cardboard cut-outs of Justin Trudeau at promotional events # Canadians are hoping that the Trump fiasco may induce smart people to move to Canada, are also sorry for saying that out loud # No, Trump did not persuade TransCanada Corp to withdraw a hefty lawsuit against the U.S. government. Lawsuit is merely suspended as it has been for weeks. This dude just loves to lie # Peru Ecuador # The presidential frontrunner in Ecuador has promised Ecuadorians a better economy, fairer trade with the U.S. and an Assange free embassy in London Venezuela # Problem: Bread shortage causes long lines. Venezuela Solution: Arrest the bakers, nationalize the bakeries, make standing in line illegal # Oceania Austria # You're an anti-vaxx senator. Your fellow senator is in hospital. Ooh, perfect time to visit him for a photo op. Oh, he's there because he has measles? # A four-hour work week, a six-hour work day, an inheritance tax on the super wealthy and a national bank that puts people first. Your next socialist paradise, outside of Scandinavia, is (spins wheel) ...Australia New Zealand # Foreign government accused of meddling in domestic politics. Why yes this is a repeat from 1951 and the CIA is involved Northern Mariana Islands # Africa # The real impact of Trump's "enhanced vetting": No African Citizens Could Attend A Summit On African Trade, Held in California, After Visas Were Denied